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Everton 3 Manchester United 0
First order of business is congratulations to the Red Army for once again winning the singing and the not sitting down. Give yourselves yet another pat on the back you crazy bastards and tell...
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What We Should Have Said #1
A look of recognition flashed across the face of Angel Di Maria as he took to the field and spotted Seamus Coleman. The Argentine grinned, smugly, recalling a torrid, balmy night in Lisbon, but the...
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Everton and Losing and That
Come on Blues, you bad divvies. After being on a roll that saw players and management talking about trying to go unbeaten until the end of the season, and other such lofty aims, the Toffees apparently...
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The Summer And That
We can’t even be bothered rounding up the games from the end of the season. Oh ok, in the very last match New Romantic-eyed Harry Kane scored the winner at Goodison for the only event of any note...
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The Changing Lights
Hey, how goes it? Can we call you ‘buddy’? Or ‘bud’, even? We don’t even mind if you say ‘not three bad’, because it’s been a while. The last time we had one of our chats we thought we were going to...
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Everton 2 Leicester City 3
Hey hey, my my. We can’t keep a clean sheet if we try. Was anyone surprised by the Leicester result? Everton can’t fail to shoot themselves in the feet against the most limited of opposition, so a team...
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Masters Of None
There was a portion of play in the Stoke City game that pretty much encapsulated everything that is driving everyone crackers about this present Everton side. The ball was passed around almost every...
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Everton 1 Spurs 1
Well, what an advert for the ‘EPL’ that was, they said. And so we said, what the Gordon Ramsey is the EPL? The world’s most elaborately assembled prog rock tribute band, featuring the quite frankly...
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Everton 2 Manchester City 1
You would have taken a narrow defeat before the game, wouldn’t you? Just as long as we were left with something to go for in the second leg. And then we only go and beat City, and deservedly too, and...
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Everton 2 Dagenham and Redbridge 0
There’s been loads on the telly, radio and other media today, so we’re not going to try and say anything profound about David Bowie or quote any lyrics or anything like that here. The news of him...
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Everton 3 Chelsea 3
Something’s happening here. What it is ain’t exactly clear. Yes, fine, obviously it was heartbreaking conceding a goal so late on Saturday night that John Terry was played onside by Paddy McGuinness...
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Moshiri Mo’ Problems
In the words of Erik B and Rakim: Fish, my favourite dish. And the other one about it being a long time, obviously. We have to put a loaf on the table though, and so when the players’ own fanzine, the...
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Chamois Chamois Ya!
Sorry, it’s been a while again, but we’ve been working on our sitcom pilot about a colourful bunch of characters working at a car cleaning business. We’ve had some really positive meetings with a few...
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Everton 2 Bournemouth 1
Kent State it was not. After all the pre-game protest talk, we ended up with yet another plane that most people missed and even less actually cared about, and then once the final whistle had gone a...
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Are We Koeman?
Or are we Danka? By now the big cuddly home economics teacher and his ruddy hands, caked in flour, may well have been announced as the manager of newly-crowned ‘fucking-massive-big-club’ Everton FC....
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Euro Diary
Obviously a diary implies that this will be updated every day, when you and I both know that simply isn’t going to be the case. Still, if nothing else, being able to use a title of ‘Euro Diary – Day...
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Euro Diary Day 2
It’s not day two of the tournament, obvs, but you get the gist. It’s not hard to follow. Luckily Ronald Koeman has finally deigned to sign a three-year contract with the Toffees, which is great for no...
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Euro Diary Day 3
Struggling. To. Keep. Up. Now. Must. Type. More. Shite. Away from the football, for just a minute, an MP gets murdered by some Little England bedsit virgin and Clement Freud may well be responsible for...
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Euro Diary Day 4
After the infamous incidents, which will be come to known, Zaire-style, as ‘The Mither In Maseille’, it didn’t seem like this tournament could get more mental. However, that was without factoring in...
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Euro Diary Day 5
Sorry about the big gap in the updates, we’ve been off our barnets down at that Chessington World of Adventure. Everyone saw the headlines, about Marcus Bent getting arrested for possession of cocaine...
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