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summer breeze
Right then, not much to report really. Remember when everyone used to go on about Bill Kenwright and his train set? Has he still got one? Like one they would have in the department store on Big that he...
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You Can’t Hide A Light With The Dark
Right then, the season’s kicking off beaucoup early as the remodelled Super Blues go up against a crack Slovakian fitness class in the Europa League’s ‘round of 1,036’. No one knows anything about...
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Sweep Me Off My Feet
Can’t wait for this Sevilla game now, can you? What a fucking amuse bouche the Ruzemberok game was for that particular tantalising £20 treat! Good heavens above. Everyone’s been salivating about the...
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Let’s Start To Dance Again
Have you ever eaten at a Harvester before? That international break is finally done and the transfer window is closed – like in Day of the Dead when they jam a door shut and there’s zombies arms caught...
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Nothing, Not Nearly
Turn it in Everton. It’s like we’re just one ill-judged cardigan away from watching a showreel of David Moyes’ worst bits at the moment, with the latest instalment guest-starring Atalanta as Dinamo...
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Everton I Love You, But You’re Bringing Me Down
This latest instalment started after the Sunderland game but we just never got round to publishing it. Thursday/Sunday effects everyone you know, not jut the players. Think about the bloggers. Anyway,...
View ArticleShark Smile
And you may ask yourself: ‘My god, what have I done?’ The last time we typed some letters and spaces and punctuation into this little corner of the internet, we were patting Oumar Niasse on the head...
View ArticleCrystal Palace 2 Everton 2
It’s off it’s head now, all this. After the relief of the crazy comeback against Watford and then the opportunity to gather our thoughts over the international break, surely you couldn’t have asked for...
View ArticleThe Spoils
What’s that in the sky? Is it a beam of light projecting a half-eaten pie onto the underside of those ominous clouds? It is, you know. It’s the Sam Signal, beamed from the roof of the Main Stand...
View ArticleTryouts For The Human Race
It’s all too weird, seeing Sam Allardyce’s big head sitting on top of a load of Everton training gear. You forget about it, and then you catch Sky Sports News out the corner of your eye, with the sound...
View ArticleCarry That Weight
‘Everton are like…’ loads of things. For the sake of argument this time out though, the Blues are like the Mam and Dad in the story, The Monkey’s Paw. The titular ape’s appendage grants wishes, and...
View ArticleFarewell Transmission
Remember when you ended up goosing sailors for crack money? Sam Allardyce is like that. No one wants that to be their life, but that’s where you end up at the end of a long list of poor choices. With...
View ArticleCurse of the Contemporary
Has he gone? He has? Thank fuck for that. We could have checked sooner but, you know, better to go completely Kimmy Schmidt than surface sooner and listen to another word from that big-collared...
View ArticleSunshine’s Better
So here we go again. This time without the broad brush strokes of Ronald Koeman or the dull monochrome of Sam Allardyce – replacing both with Marco Silva’s much-vaunted ‘attention to detail’. The...
View ArticleLike Sugar
G’night Richie. Well, leafing through some bits and pieces on the computer and and what did one find but a match report for a game that got written ages ago but never committed to whatever you commit...
View ArticleTinseltown Dripping in Blood
Miners voting Tory, Royal nonces claiming they are so nails that they can’t sweat even if they wanted to, Liverpool pissing the league and Everton manager Duncan Ferguson digging out a striker for not...
View ArticleLife During Wartime
In order to fit in the rest of the FakeNews media we should really run a whole transfer story arc here where Everton are linked to some player who in few a days apparently expresses a real interest in...
View ArticleSo Long Without You
‘I like Abdoulaye Doucoure as well, but not as much as you Allan.’ ‘Haha. Very good. How you say in English – Glen get lippy, Glen get sacked. A ha!’ Toward the end of last season, the ‘always...
View ArticleI Feel Glove
Yes, this whole thing has been written to use that title, because Everton have been linked with a goalie, Gianluigi Donnarumma. Is he hot stuff? Frig off.
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