Aston Villa Preview
Steven Gerrard coming to Goodison. History would tell us to absolutely lump on three or four-one to them. Given the form of the two sides it wouldn’t be the biggest stretch of the imagination to see...
View ArticleEverton 0 Aston Villa 1
Despite the long history of football clubs’ problems being fixed by angry aeroplane banners, Everton still managed to lose a ‘tightly-contested encounter’. This Villa team are decent, as demonstrated...
View ArticleBits
Despite trying your utmost to not get drawn into the new manager speculation at Everton, well, you can’t, can you? ‘Monkey-Tennis isn’t even a real name, what are you even on about, Farhad?’ Because...
View ArticleTalk To Frank
So it seems that on the say-so of the rowdy ramblers with their hoods up on Goodison Road, Frank Lampard Jr has become the most unlikely icon of the resistance to the rule of Farhad Moshiri and Bill...
View ArticleBallroom Dance Scene
It’s all go, isn’t it? Go, Go, Go Donny. Show Us What You’re Made of, Donny Understandably, Evertonians are wary of fair-haired Dutch give-and-go merchants. Often described as technically good, this...
View ArticleLEEDS
Saturday night and Frank Lampard was definitely poking Christine in the arm while she’s trying to do her Wordle, desperate for attention. ‘You know what that is, Chrissy babe?’ Another poke. ‘No...
View ArticleMe & Magdalena (or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Fabian Delph)
There’s been nothing written on here for ages because, quite frankly, it just didn’t feel appropriate at the end of last season. To be honest, after a bit the thing was going to get jibbed altogether,...
View ArticleMinnesota Twats
Before we start – this doesn’t represent some bid for that much-coveted better Bluedom. I was visiting family in Washington State and we combined it with a trip to Minneapolis to take in the whole...
View ArticleBrentord Preview
Everton must sign £22.5k per week ‘centaur’ once described by Guardiola as ‘better than only having 10 men I suppose.’ That lead in was just for the purposes of Newsnow. The rest of the story will just...
View ArticleStadium Question
Why does the logo for the new ground look like Woodstock from Peanuts with his head out the car window?
View ArticleLeeds 1 Everton 1
Everton set to complete blockbuster transfer of ‘phlegmatic’ midfielder. Terms agreed. Just Idrissa Gana Gueye still. Again, just for Newsnow. Move it on. This game won’t really live long in the...
View ArticleEverton 0 Liverpool 0
Well that was fun. The derby is normally something to endure rather than enjoy, such has been the disparity between the two teams for some time, but this was a bit an early afternoon barn-burner, with...
View ArticleArsenal Preview
I just can’t believe that Paddington is dead. The big winner with the untimely demise of the Queen - apart from Chessington World of Adventure* - is that intellectual amoeba, Liz Truss. You can...
View ArticleEverton 3 Crystal Palace 0
He only writes when they’re winning. Too frigging right. Who can be arsed talking about us when we look shite such as at St. James Park the other night when a goal from Danny De Vito in One Flew Over...
View ArticleRun to Chad
How do you get a lion’s head through customs? A bottle of Timotei gets confiscated at Speke, but no such constraints at Dakar International judging by the Senegal crowd at the World Cup. There’s...
View ArticleEverton 1 Wolves 2 (great!)
‘No mate, I’m Pliers. That’s Chaka Demus over there at the buffet.’ Happy Christmas, Everton is over. This originally started as a preview, but never got finished, so talking about the World Cup and...
View ArticleBrighton Preview
Remember that game when we annoyed the opposition striker so much that he only scored once? What a time to be alive. The Toffees have served the thinnest of gruel this season like, so you have to take...
View ArticleManchester United Preview (Brighton Rock!)
They say the road to hell is paved with online petitions. Tuesday’s result should have come as no surprise. We don’t get many right here, but Brighton were simply all wrong for this Everton, and the...
View ArticleManchester United 3 Everton 1
There was going to be.report for the game at Old Trafford, but instead, you can listen to some fella pontificating about Everton in the second half of the latest United We Stand podcast, recorded the...
View ArticleSouthampton Preview
Did you always think that James Ward-Prowse’s dad was the Green Cross Man? He’s not, but their Jud did kill his kestrel, the twat. We’re going to spend Saturday going full ‘bunny rabbit’s nostril’...
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